I wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember. I even had a plan at 13 or 14 yrs old that I would have at least two kids somewhere between 20-23 yrs old (why so young you ask? well because I thought anything over the age of 23 was ancient and I didn’t want to be an “old” mom! Crazy kid!) anyways, it wasn’t the easiest for my husband and I to get pregnant but by no means anywhere near as hard as some couples have it. However; it was a long and difficult two years, which to be honest I was expecting. I can’t quite explain it but since I was about 17 I always thought I would have difficulty getting pregnant. It was just a gut feeling. A voice in the back of my mind whispering that something wasn’t right with my body.
When we finally did get a positive test, I was hesitant to believe it was true. We’d been let down in the past and I didn’t want to get our hopes up again. However; at eight weeks there was a teeny tiny heart beat on the screen and our lives changed forever!
Nate was born at the end of October, exactly one month after my own birthday and 14 days after our wedding anniversary (easy enough for my husband to remember!). Labour wasn’t exactly a “breeze” but it wasn’t like some of those stories you hear about. I was in labour for about 10 hours and managed to go from 4cm to 9 3/4cm dilated in about an hour and a half. I pushed for 16 minutes and he was out into the world!
I remember my first thought being “put him back in! I’m not ready for this!” but once I heard his loud screaming a calm washed over me and that little voice that used to whisper that something was wrong with my body started whispering “you can do this!” But nothing really prepares you for a new baby, especially being first time parents. There have been doubts, numerous tears shed, hormonal outbursts that make me look like a crazy person, and the constant fear I’m screwing it all up but when I look into the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen (besides my husband’s) I’m reminded that I helped create a life. He is half of me, half my DNA, we share the same blood and he is perfect.
I know I’m going to make plenty of mistakes (hell I’ve made a few already) but there is nothing I won’t do for that boy of mine. He has without a doubt made my world a million times better and every day when I wake up and think “Please God just like ten more minutes of sleep! I’m so tired!” I look over and see his smiling face and my heart just melts. Sometimes it literally hurts how much I love him. These past four months have been the best (and hardest) of my life but I wouldn’t trade them for anything else in the world!