As I stand in my kitchen looking at our calendar that has all of our appointments, birthdays, get togethers, baby showers, etc neatly marked in each person’s designated colour (pink for me, blue for Nate, green for Kurt, and red for anything involving all three of us) I can’t help but focus solely on the blue writing for April 26th 2015 that reads “Six Months Old!” Clearly this has to be a mistake! There’s no way my baby is already six months old! Where did the last six months go? Didn’t I just give birth a week ago? How can he already be half a year old! I just brought him home yesterday didn’t I? But I didn’t…
I am in complete shock at just how quickly six months has gone by. People tell you ALL the time how fast time flies but I don’t think you ever fully appreciate just how fast time does go by until you’re a parent. I mean sometimes I feel like I just graduated high school when in fact it’ll be 10 years in 2016 (yelp!) but it’s not really the same. I can handle that I’ve gotten older but trying to handle the fact that my baby is going to grow up is completely and utterly overwhelming. I remember reading on a blog once someone saying “the days are long but the years are short” and holy cow; this is the most accurate thing I have ever read. There have been days that felt like they were never ending but looking back on them now, that was over three months ago! How could that be? Watching Nate grow is exciting and painful all at the same time. I love watching him meet and surpass all the milestones but at the same time it means he’s one day closer to turning a year old. Then he’ll be a toddler, then going to school, then graduating, getting married, and having a family of his own. Every time I think about it, I almost have a panic attack.
Last night Nate fell asleep in his swing downstairs while Kurt and I were watching t.v.. He woke up crying so I picked him up and cuddled him on the couch so he could fall back to sleep. As I was doing this, I realized just how big he’d gotten. He looked like he was already a toddler! I turned to Kurt to show him how Nate was snuggled up against my chest like he used to sleep when he was a newborn and said “I can’t remember him being small!” Kurt said “I know. He’s huge now!” And I felt like crying because I was having the hardest time picturing how tiny Nate used to be. Even when I look at pictures, I still can’t really remember how tiny he actually was. So if it’s only been six months and I’m having a hard time remembering, what’s it going to be like in another six months! Or a year! Or two! I told Kurt I wished I had a film crew to document my life 24/7 so I can remember every single detail of Nate’s first year of life.
I’m so excited for the future but I wish time could just slow down a little more so I could have my baby as my baby for just a little while longer!